What I Mean When I Say Fuck This

Ok, so I was admonished by a priest earlier to not swear. (Well, not really.)

What he actually said was that I (not me specifically, he was speaking generally) am well-educated enough to be able to articulate my meaning better than by using a swear word.

And just now in the bathroom, after pulling off a band-aid (which didn’t hurt immediately but actually hurts an annoying amount now), I found myself saying (muttering) “Fuck this.”

So, to clarify, what I mean when I say Fuck This is:

  • In this particular instance, I mean that I have a chronic pain condition, and it makes things more painful than they (I assume) are for other people (the place I pulled the band-aid off still hurts, by the way), and I intensely dislike this fact. What I mean is that I intensely dislike a particular facet of my personal situation. And saying, “I intensely dislike the fact that I have a chronic pain condition,” doesn’t actually relieve any stress, or make me feel any better. It doesn’t help. Saying “Fuck this” does actually make me feel better, or at least (for some bizarre reason, and maybe I should bring this up in therapy) more in control.
  • I just got up from my desk, thought about the fact that I have to get up from bed in five hours, and said, “Fuck my life.” I then promptly sat back down to dissect it. Here what I am expressing is (again) intense dislike of a particular facet of my personal situation. In this case, it is the fact that I won’t get enough sleep tonight. Incidentally, the word often used for intense dislike is “hate.” I cannot, however, just say, “Hate my life.” I can say, “I hate my life.” But I cannot use hate as an expletive verb in the same way I can use fuck.

So, in future, when I say “Fuck,” you (inclusive) can assume that I am expressing intense dislike of a particular facet of my personal situation. (Or maybe a situation that is not my personal one, e.g. “Fuck that” applied to hearing about an instance of virulent acephobia. Basically just intense dislike.)

Wow, this turned very linguistic. (And I have no linguistic training at all [apart from four years of high-school Latin {albeit with a wonderful and competent teacher whose praises I cannot sing loudly enough.}])

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